Hi! I am White. Are you White? If so, let’s talk.

Let’s start by identifying where exactly you’re at right now–mentally, emotionally–in your response to the current conversations around race.  An easy way to do that? Read the following statements and decide which one(s) feel familiar to you.

“When thinking about or discussing the Black Lives Matter movement, I feel…”

• “…emotionally overwhelmed. I’m desperately trying to help by making sense of all this information, but it’s so tough to focus when I flood with guilt/sadness/anger/etc.”
• “…extreme discomfort. I avoid discussing topics like race, religion, or politics because they should be respected as personal matters.”
• “…torn. I care about everyone, so I don’t think it’s fair to blame all these police officers and/or respond to this with riots and violence.”
• “…frustrated. Race is not the only reason for these problems…what about class? crime? education? I have Black friends who are successful and don’t face these issues.
• “…defensive. Just because I’m White doesn’t mean I haven’t faced challenges. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am today! And any American, of any color, has equal freedom to do the same!”

Hit close to home? Let’s keep talking.

WHERE DO THESE RESPONSES ORIGINATE?

My journey through the stages of racial identity awareness and development started at the same time as every other human being–at birth. And it will continue until our very last breath, that is, if we allow it.

You see, it is very common for White folks’ journey of racial awareness to be stunted. And it usually depends on where our upbringing falls on a spectrum ranging from: how convenient was it made for us to turn a blind eye to race?–>all the way to–>how normalized was it made for us to hate based on race?

Before this range of interventions takes effect, as children, we are innately curious about differences. we see color. we notice race by 6 months! we want to understand the contrasts of the world. we ask questions. How (and if) these questions were answered by our caregivers, community, and environment directly contributes to how and when it is that we decide to either: minimize, ignore, perpetuate, or actively engage in racism. 

A STARTING POINT

In order for you as a White person to even want to “do the work”, building self-awareness is an essential starting point. There will be no motivation to dismantle the narrative on race and racism that you’ve comfortably held onto for quite sometime now if there is no critical reflection about how your upbringing directly shaped your perspectives on race. Identifying where and how your socially constructed ideas about race originated for you can give you a clearer roadmap of what learned biases you need to unpack, confront, and more importantly, unlearn. 

To assist you in this process, I’ve identified 4 approaches to race that White kids commonly experience during their childhood/adolescence: Colorblindness, Covert Bias, Silence, and Overt Racism. Take a look at each approach’s description, examples, and impact to make connections to your own history. Which one(s) best explain your own experience?

Please keep in mind that the uniqueness of the human experience renders it virtually impossible for me to not reduce a very serious and complex concept into rigid, boxed categories. It is very possible that you encountered a mix of the following throughout your lifetime. 

THE 4 WHITE APPROACHES TO RACE

#1: COLORBLINDNESS

This is how I was brought up. This is where A LOT of educated White families live when it comes to race. Democrats, Independents, Republicans. Jews. Catholics. Buddhists. Children are taught that they shouldn’t judge a book by its cover…and that sentiment explicitly includes race. It feels like a beautiful message to send to children and the intention may be pure, but it is very very problematic. Why? Dismissing skin color as a legitimate identity difference assumes that Black folks experience life exactly like White folks experience it. It denies the existence of racism. Just because racism shouldn’t exist, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. 

Phrases and behavior examples:

• “When I meet someone or get to know them, I don’t see color”
• “I base my opinion about someone on their character”
• We are all one race, the human race!”
• Out of the 28 novels read from 6th to 12th grade, only 1 book has a principal character of color.

Intentional Conversations Around Racism:

Very similar to #2:Covert families experience. Initial education emphasises racism of the past and the progress we’ve made as a nation towards equality. From that point on, conversations about race are reactive when a present-day, direct form of racism makes it to the news. There is a lack of education on structural racism** and how that impacts the lives and opportunities of people of color.

White Child’s Takeaway:

I should never ask questions about race, cultural differences, racial disparities, or the perspective that people of color experience because that would make me racist. We are all the same anyway. They have the same lived experience as me, which means the same formula for success should be applied to everyone…work hard and you will succeed. If I really think about it then, this must mean that the racial disparities I see everyday (i.e. people of color tend to live in poorer neighborhoods, they are not lead characters in film/books, they don’t hold many positions of power like the governor or a CEO, etc) can be explained by the same factors that would contribute to my lack of success, i.e. education, health, money, intelligence, skill, capability, etc. In other words, on the whole, people of color aren’t as competent as White people or people of color are not working as hard as White people. 

#2: COVERT BIAS

Understanding the danger of this upbringing is complicated because it requires us to confront the vicious difference between intention and impact. Here, implications of bias or prejudice are difficult to detect without critical thinking skills around race because racial remarks are shrouded in casual and seemingly well-intentioned messages. Microaggressions are front and center here, which are statements masked as compliments or jokes that contain a hidden insult about a group of people.

Phrases and behavior examples:

• “Wow. I really like Sam. He doesn’t act like he’s black. He’s so driven/proper/well-spoken!” 
•  “Oh Esmerelda, what a pretty name. Where are you originally from?”
• Teachers singling out black children for misbehaving more often than white children who are misbehaving at the same rate.
• Parent ::locks doors:: when a person of color is approaching the car vs. a White person

Intentional Conversations Around Racism:

The topic of racism is typically discussed and labeled as “bad”. However, there is a strong emphasis on how bad racism used to be in the past, i.e. slavery, Jim Crow, etc.  As for a framework for present day forms, there is a hyperfocus on reacting to overt/direct forms of racism seen in the news, which are few and far between and usually take place outside a family’s social circle. Ultimately, there is minimal discussion about past or present forms of covert or structural racism**.

White Child’s Takeaway: 

I should assume certain things about non-white persons when I meet them. Their race predicts specific personality traits or behaviors they will have. This is different from how I approach getting to know a White person since each White person is unique. Racism isn’t really a thing anymore, so disparities between how people of color live and white people live must be based on those traits I learned…i.e. Black kids must drop-out of school more than white kids because they are not as driven.

#3: SILENCE

This is a typical approach used by White caregivers who are generally fearful of conflict and therefore, find discussions of race uncomfortable. I’ve seen this style play out disproportionately for those in the upper/middle class or families who are religiously devout. Guardians for these children pass down the lesson they were taught themselves–avoid controversial topics, like politics and religion, for etiquette reasons. Since racial equality has been politicized, they mistakenly group discussions of race into this category. They may believe that if there is no talk, there is no problem–a kind of “sweep it under the rug” mentality.  In reality, remarks and messaging about race are unavoidable, so children must draw their own conclusions about race by observing others, like extended family, friends, teachers, community, and the media. 

Phrases and behavior examples:

Outsiders will inevitably make racial comments in the company of caregivers and their white children. In response, caregivers typically model how not to speak up.

• Outsider: “I’m not saying it’s their fault, but everything started going downhill once all the Blacks/Mexicans moved in.”
  • Caregiver response:
    •  ::laughs nervously::,
    •  ::changes subject::,
    •  ::agrees passively::

Intentional Conversations Around Racism:

n/a

White Child’s Takeaway: 

It is rude, shameful, and uncomfortable for me to openly discuss race or racism. As for my perspective on race, it is completely dependent on which messages I absorb from the world outside of my home, resulting in a takeaway similarly described for Overt, Covert, Colorblindness, or a mix of the 3.

#4: OVERT RACISM

On the seemingly darkest end of the spectrum, the most evident one, white children are explicitly taught to look down on people of color. Caregivers casually (or aggressively) use racial slurs and stereotypes with no mercy/explanation/remorse. They repeatedly remark on people of color’s inferiority and encourage exclusion. 

Phrases and behavior examples:

• “You are not allowed to go to Jims house. He is black! I don’t even want to know what goes on in a house filled with those kinds of people. They are dangerous/immoral/improper, etc.”
• “Why are there signs in Chinese?! This is America. If you don’t speak our language, you don’t belong here.”
• The Mexicans who work here should be deported! They took these jobs from us, don’t pay taxes, and join gangs to pillage our town.

Intentional Conversations Around Race:

Explicit messaging and education about other race groups is communicated through a white supremicist lens, i.e. being White is desired and anyone who deviates from Whiteness is to be seen as and treated “less than”. Racial disparities are explained with negative and malicious stereotypes, i.e. Black people are inherently lazy and stupid, so they will never succeed. Structural Racism** is scoffed at and discredited as a liberal agenda. 

White Child’s Takeaway: 

Non-White persons are not just different, but they are second class or rather, inhuman. There is no need for me to get to know them because their race is explicitly tied to their ability, competence, and worth. Therefore, if I encounter them, I should not give them the time, respect, or love that I give to others. 

REFLECT: WHERE TO NOW? 

Which path(s) you identified with are primarily the result of explicit teaching and indirect modeling by your attachment figures. Or even worse, you were left to jump to your own conclusions when these figures didn’t provide answers or chose to remain silent. From there, you filled in the blanks and constructed your understanding of race based on stereotypes and messaging in media, politics, our community, and other environmental factors.

Making connections to your own social conditioning as a child and your automatic, prejudiced beliefs as an adult might help you empathize with the emotions you are now experiencing; guilt, sadness, discomfort, frustration, defensiveness, etc. In identifying the origin of these negative feelings, there is now room for you to identify and challenge the specific myths and biases that you’ve held onto throughout your lifetime. How is that done?  Consuming credible information and asking yourself difficult, self-reflective questions that will assist you in unpacking your ingrained prejudice beliefs and values. These practices will not only help you build a more positive racial identity, but they will propel you towards better understanding your role as a White person in race-related conversations and movements. 

 

**A word about Structural Racism:

An essential step for children to develop racist beliefs is to not develop an understanding of the role that structural/systemic racism plays in perpetuating the racial disparities that they will witness every single day. What is Structural Racism? It is systems of power that are structured in a way that create barriers for non-White people to access opportunities or to participate in upward mobility, making it more difficult for people of color to secure quality education, jobs, housing, healthcare, and equal treatment in the criminal justice system.

• ONE example: redlining in real-estate is documented for being utilized from the 1940s well into the 2000s. This practice allowed developers to legally reject bids from prospective homeowners, based on their race. This forced people of color with no other choice but to buy/live in predominantly non-white neighborhoods, which are typically low-income, divested neighborhoods. These areas further perpetuate disparity via, i.e.
  • severely under resourced schools which lead to disproportionately high drop-out rates
  • lack of local employment opportunities which lead to disproportionately high unemployment rates
  • over-policing which leads to disproportionately higher rates of arrests and harsher sentencing (for the same exact crimes committed in White, upper-class communities)